@sonictyrant: Director: we haven't heard from the fly on the wall documentary crew in days any idea what happened to them?
Me: *slowly pushes rolled up newspaper out of view* no - no i haven't
@sonictyrant: Batman: fighting crime is easy
Robin: *grabs his hand* but fighting our desires isn’t
Batman: not now Robin
@sonictyrant: Girl: i noticed you've been checking out this body all night
Me: hell yeah
Girl:*slow winks* wanna help me bury it?
@sonictyrant: Me:*carefully puts on my helmet and adds a bell and basket to my bike*
Spin Class Instructor: no
@sonictyrant: Me: *calls waiter over* You've given my girlfriend 2 dead rats on a skewer
Waiter: Yes the ratatouille, anything else sir?
Me: lets cancel that coq- au- vin
@sonictyrant: Friend: a Viking burial would be awesome some day
[A few days later]
Me:*fires a flaming arrow into his kayak while he's white water rafting*
@sonictyrant: Girlfriend: i just got stung by that wasp can u put a bandaid on it
Me: babe im sure he's gonna be fine
@sonictyrant: Me: *wearing a crystal chandelier*
Store Assistant: can i help you sir?
Me: how much for this disco poncho?