Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@stanleybehrman : I wish I was as optimistic as the wives that believe they can change their husbands into the men they thought they married.
@stanleybehrman: Most accidents happen within a 2 block radius of your home. That is why I park my car 3 blocks away and walk. Can never be too safe.
@stanleybehrman: I decided to ignore idiots, now I just need to find something to do with all this spare time.
@stanleybehrman: My patience has stretch marks.
@stanleybehrman: From my hospital bed it occurred to me, that i could never work in a hospital because there are too many opportunities to nap.
@stanleybehrman: If she boasts how adult coloring is therapeutic and has made her more tolerant and patient
Hide her markers
@stanleybehrman: Thank you Twitter for introducing me to brilliant people , but your suggestions of who is similar to me is making me reassess my life.
@stanleybehrman: Plot twist
*Where do YOU see ME in 5 years..
@stanleybehrman: I don't believe that twitter is the place for arguments.
We all have family for that..
@stanleybehrman: Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean.
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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