10: Mom, would you hand me some gum?
Me: Sure, what flavor?
[at a fall festival]
Him: you look gourdgeous
Me: *roll my eyes and grab my keys to go*
Him: please don’t leaf
[at a restaurant]
SERVER: We have several sides you can choose from.
ME: I’m not comfortable picking sides.
Me: 🎶 Don’t change for me ARGENTINAAAAA…”🎶
Me: *crying* 🎶 Don’t change for me ARGENTINAAAAA…”🎶
[in music class]
Teacher: Be sure to take good notes
Me to classmate: Which notes are the bad ones?
me: go away I’m social distancing
voice: pizza delivery
me: *opens door*
COVID19: hehe, got’em
Me: BEAN!!! Come here!
9y/o Daughter: Mom, please don’t call me that in public
Me: Beanie Baby?
D: Mom. No.
Me: Okay! *pause* Girl spawn, woul-
What I said: No
What I meant: No
What my dog heard: Okay, but just look real cute.