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Page of steeve_again's best tweets

@steeve_again : Me: I spy with my little eye something beginning with i

Other Titanic lookout: hmmm

@steeve_again: Me: I’m a little tea pot short and stout here is my handle here is my—

Wife: *jumping outta bed* it’s too weird

@steeve_again: British people: Unicycle

American people: Collegecycle

@steeve_again: Me: I’m so happy we are the first married astronauts to land on the moon

[later]

Wife: pass me the rock sample bags

Me: I thought you brought them

@steeve_again: Barney: I love you, you love me

Me: *rolling over in bed* look I thought this was a no strings thing

@steeve_again: Wife: *banging on bedroom door* I know about you and the murder

Me: oh shit

Crows: *in bed with me* finally we can be together

@steeve_again: Co-worker: *spots me in line for Toy Story* wait, you have friends?

Me: *clutching two extra large popcorn for myself* yes and I’m about to see them all

@steeve_again: Me: [on mars] *opening bag of chips*

My dog: *blasts off from earth*

@steeve_again: Magician: I can make anything disappear

Tom: *holding cup* do it to my tea

Magician: *waves hand* done

om: *holding cup* it didn’t work

@steeve_again: [trying out my magic tricks for the first time]

*sawing person in half*

Funeral director: *wrestling me away from casket*