@steeve_again

Cpr instructor: ok get down next to the dummy

*Everyone kneels beside me*

@steeve_again

[first day in hell]

Me: *opening google maps* better find this “special place” they said was here for me

@steeve_again

[drinking my 5th coffee of the day] imma put this body on vibrate

@steeve_again

Date: I usually go for the dumbest people possible

Me: *puts mask under my nose* you do?

Date: *biting lip* oh yea

@steeve_again

*5 people I know walk right past me at the store*

Me: *patting mask* thank you

@steeve_again

Torturer: you shock him this time

Me: more people have been on the moon than won Takeshi’s Castle

Torturer: no not— wait really

@steeve_again

Me: hold on are you—

roommate who just painted a Bansky on our kitchen wall:

Me:—Bob Ross?