@stewnami

My mom, doing a crossword puzzle, asked me for a rapper named Dr. ___. I replied Dre, and she said “oh yeah I forgot about him”. She has no clue how funny this is.

@stewnami

Before you say you want to be treated like a king or queen, just remember that a lot of them were beheaded.

@stewnami

I like a woman that makes me feel alive, but also lets me know that it might not be for long.

@stewnami

She kept yelling “Choke!, Choke!” to me during sex.

So rude. Why would she want me to have a bad performance?

@stewnami

Stealing being illegal is why I can’t have nice things.

@stewnami

They add a scent to natural gas so we can smell it if there’s a leak and we’re in danger. Same reason Axe Body Spray has a scent.

@stewnami

I’m fat, so when I get mad, I get massive aggressive.

@stewnami

I just burped and fogged my glasses up. Line forms to the left ladies.