@sug_knight

Hot people do not eat as many egg sandwiches as I do and I’ve made my peace with that

@sug_knight

Me: while you’re up there let’s do a Spider-Man kiss
My dental hygienist: still no

@sug_knight

Me:

Pale people: I’m so white that I’m translucent, no one is as pale as me, last week my uncle thought I was the ghost of a Victorian-era cellar boy

@sug_knight

In hell u have to go hot tubbing with all the people who show up in the “people you may know” section of facebook