@summerlvn82

[ At the grocery store ]

Cashier: Is that everything?

Me: Nope. I got all this invisible shit, too

@summerlvn82

[Being murdered]

Can you leave my body on a jogging path so people think I was exercising

@summerlvn82

*I take out the car keys*

Him: Where are you going?

Me: Who knows? I’m a wild creature that can’t be tamed, I could end up anywhere

Him:

Me:

Him:

Me: Walgreens.