“I think this chlorine is healing my anal fissure.” – Things not to say in a swimming pool. Apparently.
I avoid being photographed at events held at my apartment complex. I don’t need someone pointing to a picture and saying,”That’s him.”
Did a little math tonight. Need to do 3,527 hours of cardio to get down to my ideal weight by summer, and not consume any calories.
I have a huge gash in my forehead. I’m going to assume I got up in the middle of the night, fought some crime, and went back to bed.
I typed 18 beers into my calorie counting app, and it uninstalled itself.
“TGIM!” – My liver