Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of sumpeoplelikeit's best tweets

@sumpeoplelikeit : Whoa there, pregnancy test. You just tell us yes or no and we'll decide if it's positive or negative.

@sumpeoplelikeit: If you have a tattoo on your head, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at.

@sumpeoplelikeit: If you ask me where your glasses are, and they're on your head, I will help you look for them forever.

@sumpeoplelikeit: I wish people were more like dogs and you could just give them those three little pats and they'd know our interaction was over.

@sumpeoplelikeit: The person sleeping next to you is statistically more likely to murder you than any other person on the entire planet. Do the dishes.