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Page of suntzufuntzu's best tweets

@suntzufuntzu : maybe its the cursed amulet talking, but [thousands of locusts fly from my mouth and form a living treasure map on the ceiling]

@suntzufuntzu: [Antiques Roadshow]
This mirror frame is a classic Victorian style, but the ghosts in the reflection are wearing Edwardian clothes so the glass was likely replaced

@suntzufuntzu: bewitching sea ghost seeks unwary sailor for fulfillment of ancient curse, maybe more

@suntzufuntzu: [Antiques Roadshow]
When this was first painted, the wolves were much further in the background. I would sell it before they reach the frame

@suntzufuntzu: The software tracking your browsing has fallen in love with you; it doesn't mind if you don't click the ads, it just hopes they please you.

@suntzufuntzu: YELLOW HIPPO: (whispering to red hippo) I'm not your enemy. Marble scarcity is a myth spread by humans to turn us against each other.

@suntzufuntzu: Spotify has a new playlist called 'Screams'. After 5 minutes you recognize the screams as yours. After 30 you realize you never pressed play

@suntzufuntzu: Me: [Advancing my knight] How much to build a hotel on this square?

Grim Reaper: First, as I explained, that's not how the horse moves.

@suntzufuntzu: Woman on the phone congratulates you for winning "Unknowing Android of the Year." "I'm not an android!" you protest. "Marvelous," she gushes

@suntzufuntzu: "What if Waldo finds me first?" I ask naively. Grandma closes the book; the blood drains from her face. "Don't let that happen," she warns.