@sweet_toof

Go see American Sniper. Or go to your buddy’s house and watch him play Call of Duty for two hours

@sweet_toof

Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”

@sweet_toof

With a stolen credit card, who WOULDN’T go straight to Wendy’s to get 2 Double Stacks and a small Sprite? So thanks for asking for ID, lady.

@sweet_toof

Me: ..and a small sprite.
McDonald’s Girl: Want a large? All sizes are only $.99
Me: I ASKED FOR SMALL YOU DIABETES PEDDLER ok gimme a large

@sweet_toof

“All lower case?” -your mom getting an email address