Oh I’m definitely a cat person
*lays on the couch and glares at you until you feed me
Feed a cold, starve a fever, wine and nacho a vaccination
Him: I thought you were spring cleaning today
Me: *stumbling* Did you even SEE the wine cabinet?
My son washed his own bedding last night so I’m torn between being thrilled and mortified as to why he washed his own bedding.
Does anyone else start hearing the Jumanji drum sound right before their kids come home from school?
Being a parent involves saying “this is NOT a democracy” a lot more than I thought it would
What do you mean you’re not coming? I shaved my big toe and everything.
*my kids whining*
Me: oh knock it off and grow up
*my dogs whining*
Me: oh honey, oh baby, my little pitter pat whatever do you need, wanna play ball, let’s cuddle
Last night out at dinner my daughter ordered a salad… I likely would have too had I not passed out from shock.
You wanna impress me roomba? Climb up and get all the dog hair off my couch.