@sweetmomissa
Garden of Eden pssshht, you’re gonna need cheese and not an apple to tempt me.
@sweetmomissa
@sweetmomissa
Him: I thought you said your resolution was to stop drinking wine.
Me: no, I said I was going to stop BUYING wine *hands him back his credit card* you bought these.
@sweetmomissa
I never understood “baby” as a term of endearment – like am I cute and innocent or there’s a chance I may cry a lot and make a huge mess in my pants. I need answers.
@sweetmomissa
Cook for your kids and they’ll eat and not help clean up.
Teach your kids to cook and they’ll eat and not help clean up a way worse mess.
@sweetmomissa
Him: this isn’t working out
Me: *sitting under the squat rack eating a donut* yes, I’m aware
@sweetmomissa
I’m a good mom, but not a “not gonna chuckle to myself when you get hurt doing something I told you not to do” good mom.
@sweetmomissa
Do you buy white shoes for your children or do you have common sense?
@sweetmomissa
Tired of getting along with your family? Miss your sweet children screaming at each other? Ask your doctor if Game Night™️ is right for you!
@sweetmomissa
Aragorn: “You have my sword.”
Legolas: “And my bow.”
Gimli: “And my axe.”
Me: “And my children, all of them – ok at least just one. Wait, where are you all going?”
@sweetmomissa
The last time I cleaned my teenagers room, I found an empty bottle of lotion under his bed. So yeah like I said, the last time I clean his room. EVER.