All my daughter ate for dinner was bread and water, so she will be prepared for a recession or a life of crime.
I just want the level of idgaf as my teen who I told to go to bed by midnight – but sends me a snap at 4am.
My son: you’re the best mom I’ve ever had
My daughter: because she’s the only mom you’ve ever had
My personal brand is finding a missing earring the day after I threw the other one out
I’m starting to think my daughter buys one thing that doesn’t fit every time we go to the mall just so we have a reason to go back to the mall
Oh I’m definitely a cat person
*lays on the couch and glares at you until you feed me
Feed a cold, starve a fever, wine and nacho a vaccination
Him: I thought you were spring cleaning today
Me: *stumbling* Did you even SEE the wine cabinet?
My son washed his own bedding last night so I’m torn between being thrilled and mortified as to why he washed his own bedding.
Does anyone else start hearing the Jumanji drum sound right before their kids come home from school?