@sweetmomissa

Thank you dry toothbrush for outing my kids whenever I ask them if they brushed their teeth. You’re the real MVP.

@sweetmomissa

Mechanic: when was the last time you had work done on this car?

Me: oh god, I have no clue, let me think…

Mechanic: it’s ok, no pressure

My tires: 🙁

@sweetmomissa

X-Rays are like regular Rays but they slept with your best friend

@sweetmomissa

My doctor asked me if I felt safe at home and I said yes and then he asked if the kids were safe at home and I said yes as long as they never touch my cheese.

@sweetmomissa

Every kiss begins with K and I’m fairly certain most divorces start with IKEA