Thank you dry toothbrush for outing my kids whenever I ask them if they brushed their teeth. You’re the real MVP.
Mechanic: when was the last time you had work done on this car?
Me: oh god, I have no clue, let me think…
Mechanic: it’s ok, no pressure
My tires: 🙁
X-Rays are like regular Rays but they slept with your best friend
My doctor asked me if I felt safe at home and I said yes and then he asked if the kids were safe at home and I said yes as long as they never touch my cheese.
Every kiss begins with K and I’m fairly certain most divorces start with IKEA