Me: Let me pet your dogs, mister!
Him: Not you again. Get outta here!
Me: *wearing moustache* Excuse me sir
Me: Alright. Does everyone have their parachutes?
Dave who sometimes lies for fun: *giggling* Yah.
Me: Dave got arrested for forgery
Her: For real?
Me: No for fake
Me: Am I your only friend?
Imaginary friend: Sure are!
Imaginary friend’s imaginary friend: Wow, I’m right here.
Her: I got hit by lightning when I was younger
Me: did you die
An eight year old offered to sell me drugs. Isn’t that disgusting? Why would I pay when I can just beat him up and take them? He’s EIGHT.
Him: Your jokes just aren’t relatable to most people.
Me: *angrily binges on caviar*