Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of thatdutchperson's best tweets

@thatdutchperson : Hi, welcome to dating. These are your two options:

1. Stay together forever
2. Break up

No pressure.

@thatdutchperson: [on the couch having tea]

Me: this is nice.

Anxiety: SUSPICIOUSLY NICE.

@thatdutchperson: My favorite thing is when there’s not enough time in therapy to bring something to conclusion and you’re just sent home with all your unearthed trauma and demons like ok cool see you next week stay hydrated

@thatdutchperson: THERAPIST: you’re always trying to make other people happy. You should focus on doing that for yourself too.

ME:

THERAPIST: ok?

Me: would that make you happy?

@thatdutchperson: ME: did I remember to take my antidepressants this morning?

BRAIN: does it matter? Does anything matter? Aren’t we all just insignificant threads in the tapestry of life

ME: ...so that’s a no

@thatdutchperson: If you could pick a super power what would it be? Mine would be eating a nutritious meal when I’m depressed

@thatdutchperson: ME: I swear to god I will burn this place to the ground. I can’t take this anymore. I am done. DONE.

CUSTOMER SERVICE REP: sir thank you for holding, it’s just going to be another minute

ME: sure of course no problem

@thatdutchperson: [1994]
*rewinds tape with a pencil*

[2016]
*gets angry when I accidentally close the music app*

@thatdutchperson: Wooden toothpicks are great for when you have something stuck in your teeth but you also want something else stuck in your teeth

@thatdutchperson: Funny how I used to see human features in things like electrical sockets, or clouds, or my ex.