My bank just sent me an email starting with “we’re all in this together” and then told me my monthly fees are going up
The way I see it, marriage is just an evil ploy to turn “my fries” into “our fries.”
People: cheer up, things could be worse
Anxiety: and here are some detailed scenarios how
If I could choose my own superhero origin story I’d be bitten by a radioactive serotonin
DATE: I’m just looking for someone who goes with the flow, you know? Someone chill.
ME: [has a small panic attack whenever a shop assistant asks if I’m looking for anything in particular] *nods*
Hi, welcome to dating. These are your two options:
1. Stay together forever
2. Break up
[on the couch having tea]
Me: this is nice.
Anxiety: SUSPICIOUSLY NICE.
My favorite thing is when there’s not enough time in therapy to bring something to conclusion and you’re just sent home with all your unearthed trauma and demons like ok cool see you next week stay hydrated
THERAPIST: you’re always trying to make other people happy. You should focus on doing that for yourself too.
Me: would that make you happy?
ME: did I remember to take my antidepressants this morning?
BRAIN: does it matter? Does anything matter? Aren’t we all just insignificant threads in the tapestry of life
ME: …so that’s a no