Funny Tweeter

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Page of thatdutchperson's best tweets

@thatdutchperson : Wooden toothpicks are great for when you have something stuck in your teeth but you also want something else stuck in your teeth

@thatdutchperson: Funny how I used to see human features in things like electrical sockets, or clouds, or my ex.

@thatdutchperson: [zoo]
Kid: monkeys are dumb. Why do they keep throwing poop at each other?

Me:*on my phone, leaving angry Facebook comments* I know, right?

@thatdutchperson: *looks at the customer behind me in the checkout line*

"Wanna hold hands while we wait?"

@thatdutchperson: [job interview]

“And how do you deal with things that cause you stress?”

Me:*remembering that I haven’t opened my voicemail in 6 years*


@thatdutchperson: Times when the world seems different somehow:

- being in your elementary school as an adult

- being in a pool when it rains

- train stations at night

- when the ghost of the girl who died in your building tells you to get out or die

- walking through fresh snow by yourself

@thatdutchperson: Phil Collins used to be a sex symbol, in case you’re wondering how good cocaine was in the 80s.

@thatdutchperson: [date doesn't cry at the beginning of Up]
"I think we should see other people."

@thatdutchperson: When you win a game of monopoly the owner of Hasbro shows up to hand you back the last 36 hours of your life.

@thatdutchperson: [cooking class]
"Did you put your tray in the oven, sir?"

[mouth filled with raw cookie dough]
I can explain