@thatdutchperson: Funny how I used to see human features in things like electrical sockets, or clouds, or my ex.
Kid: monkeys are dumb. Why do they keep throwing poop at each other?
Me:*on my phone, leaving angry Facebook comments* I know, right?
@thatdutchperson: *looks at the customer behind me in the checkout line*
"Wanna hold hands while we wait?"
@thatdutchperson: [job interview]
“And how do you deal with things that cause you stress?”
Me:*remembering that I haven’t opened my voicemail in 6 years*
@thatdutchperson: Times when the world seems different somehow:
- being in your elementary school as an adult
- being in a pool when it rains
- train stations at night
- when the ghost of the girl who died in your building tells you to get out or die
- walking through fresh snow by yourself
@thatdutchperson: Phil Collins used to be a sex symbol, in case you’re wondering how good cocaine was in the 80s.
@thatdutchperson: [date doesn't cry at the beginning of Up]
"I think we should see other people."
@thatdutchperson: When you win a game of monopoly the owner of Hasbro shows up to hand you back the last 36 hours of your life.
@thatdutchperson: [cooking class]
"Did you put your tray in the oven, sir?"
[mouth filled with raw cookie dough]
I can explain