@thatdutchperson: I bet the hardest part of being a server is having to wait until people's mouths are full before asking them how the food is.
@thatdutchperson: [trying to sleep]
Me: ok, just breathe and relax.
Brain: OR WE COULD TRY AND FIGURE OUT THE EXACT MOMENT ALL YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS DIED
@thatdutchperson: [blind date]
Her: so what do you do for fu..
Me: I'M 34 IF YOU DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH ME I'M STATISTICALLY UNLIKELY TO EVER FIND A MATE
@thatdutchperson: Maybe cats always look like they're planning our demise because we keep calling them things like mrs snugglepaws the second
@thatdutchperson: They say that wherever you travel becomes a part of you. So I'm pretty sure I'm 98% living room.
@thatdutchperson: [runs into friends with baby]
Me: OMG WHO'S THIS LITTLE GUY.
Friends:*picks up baby* wanna hold him?
Me:*kneeled next to dog* what?
@thatdutchperson: My life would have been very different had I done anything with the same intensity as brushing my teeth on the day of a dentist appointment.
@thatdutchperson: [about to message girl he likes]
Me: I should just talk to her like I would anyone else. Be myself. And not act stupid.
@thatdutchperson: [making flamingos]
Adam: got it.
G: but it stand still a lot.
G: on one leg.
A: how high are you?
G: make it pink.