@thatdutchperson

I wish I had the exciting social life my mom must have envisioned when she used to stitch my name into my underwear.

@thatdutchperson

[does his regular grocery shopping]

Cashier: having a kid’s birthday party?

Me: ……………….yes.

@thatdutchperson

Director: so, you’ll be playing this regular guy…

Johnny Depp: no thanks.

@thatdutchperson

Clerk: Why do you need 200 condoms?

Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks*

*Spends night making balloon animals