God grant me the witchcraft to change the things I cannot accept.
If you’re afraid of getting fat, drink a little before eating. The alcohol should reduce the fear.
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?”
Facebook is worse than my parents.
Me: So, you come here often?
Him: …..we’re in my house.
It’s funny how all those “best places in the world” lists always forget to include the Internet.
When one door closes another one opens. I should really get this cabinet fixed.
My friend is so stupid she thought Alabama is a city. Don’t worry, I informed her Alabama is the president.