My husband at 3 AM: What’s that noise? What’s that noise? What’s THAT noise? I can’t sleep.
My husband when I’m talking to him, in his ear, with a megaphone: What? Sorry, I didn’t hear you.
What I say: I am tired
What my kids hear: I am weak. I am no longer fit to lead. Now is your chance.
My father: you can’t tell me what to do! THERE ARE NO RULES.
Me: …Dad, this is a card game.
Me: I’m in tears
Bored people on the internet: DO YOU KNOW HOW OFFENSIVE THAT IS TO PEOPLE WITH DRY EYE??
I know there’s this whole “Gen-Z vs Millennials” thing going on but I’m excited to see what my kids roll their eyes at when I get old.
Like I’m just imagining my daughter like “God, Mom, you still use menstrual cups? Just think your period into the cloud like everyone else.”
Staying with my parents, Vol 2, pt. 6:
My father doesn’t bat an eye when he hears for the first time that I’m bisexual, but he does threaten to disown me after I accidentally tell my mother that he rented a movie on Prime for $20