Funny Tweeter

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Page of thebeckyard's best tweets

@thebeckyard : My 15 yo told me he is going to someday name his daughter “May” and it will be short for Mayonnaise but nobody will know.

I couldn’t be more proud.

@thebeckyard: Always carry $10,000 cash on you at all times in case you ever feeling like getting a meal at an airport.

@thebeckyard: [Body shop]

Hi. Yes I'd like one new body please.

@thebeckyard: I see you are eating seafood at a midwest Chinese buffet. I, too, like to live dangerously.

@thebeckyard: "Mom, you need to calm down with how much cheese you've been buying."

*silently writes him out of my will*

@thebeckyard: Angry beavers can't get our packaging open, but go ahead and try in your weakened state lol

-cold medicine companies

@thebeckyard: Welcome to your 40s! Your body will do new and exciting things such as sneeze-pee, yawn-burp, and light speed chin hair growth.

@thebeckyard: Accidentally used 13's shower gel, so I just copped a huge attitude, yelled at everyone and slammed some doors.

@thebeckyard: Me: Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your family! Dishonor on your house!

Olive Garden server: Please stop! I'll bring more cheese to grate!

@thebeckyard: I was completely offended, but then you said "no offense," so now everything's cool.