Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of thecrabbyhook's best tweets

@thecrabbyhook : To avoid "the talk" I just convinced my 6yo that we got her from Amazon.

@thecrabbyhook: Sometimes I like to spend my Sunday afternoon being screamed at by a 5 year old for eating the sandwiches I made for her imaginary friend.

@thecrabbyhook: You know how one lie leads to another? Well, to cut a long story short, my 7yo daughter now thinks she's allergic to owls.

@thecrabbyhook: Brother: Do you want to come over to see the new baby?

Me: Does it have wifi?

@thecrabbyhook: My mother has now been sending me a Valentine's card for 28 years. She's persistent but I'm not interested.

@thecrabbyhook: My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.