@thecrabbyhook

To avoid “the talk” I just convinced my 6yo that we got her from Amazon.

@thecrabbyhook

Sometimes I like to spend my Sunday afternoon being screamed at by a 5 year old for eating the sandwiches I made for her imaginary friend.

@thecrabbyhook

You know how one lie leads to another? Well, to cut a long story short, my 7yo daughter now thinks she’s allergic to owls.

@thecrabbyhook

Brother: Do you want to come over to see the new baby?

Me: Does it have wifi?

@thecrabbyhook

My mother has now been sending me a Valentine’s card for 28 years. She’s persistent but I’m not interested.

@thecrabbyhook

My daughter wants to know when the hamster we “planted” in the garden will start growing.