@thedadvocate01

Me: Time for bed
7: But can we watch Back to the Future?
Me: No
7: Empire Strikes Back?
Me: No
7: Karate Kid?
Me: I see what you’re doing and I respect it but the answer’s still no

@thedadvocate01

Taco Bell: Do you want hot sauce?

Me: [has entire drawers full of hot sauce packets] Yes please

@thedadvocate01

6: Dad, what’s the biggest thing in the world?

Me: Uh

6: Nevermind, Siri…

@thedadvocate01

It’s taken 7 years but I’m beginning to see the correlation between my kid’s hyperactivity and his sugar intake.

@thedadvocate01

Barber: How do you want it?

Me [gets the same haircut every time]: UUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

@thedadvocate01

God: They’re called mosquitos

Angel: I see

God: They suck people’s blood

Angel: And this somehow helps preserve a delicate ecosystem?

God: *shrugs* Makes em itch

@thedadvocate01

Wife: You guys never eat the food before it goes bad!

Also my wife: *buys 40lbs of grapes because they’re on sale*