Husband getting dressed:
Me: Purple and green don’t go together.
Husband: It works for the Joker.
Me: My point exactly.
Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you’re dating an onion and not a man.
My husband and I play this game where we buy potato chips the other one doesn’t like so we don’t have to share.
To avoid butterflies in your stomach, don’t eat caterpillars.
When life gives me lemons, I make lemon meringue pie..because lemonade is for amateurs…& because I’m gay..& we always take it up a notch.
Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt.
When you open your heart to someone, there is blood. Lots and lots of blood. And then you die. So don’t open your heart.