@thedailymarker

Husband getting dressed:

Me: Purple and green don’t go together.

Husband: It works for the Joker.

Me: My point exactly.

@thedailymarker

Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you’re dating an onion and not a man.

@thedailymarker

My husband and I play this game where we buy potato chips the other one doesn’t like so we don’t have to share.

@thedailymarker

When life gives me lemons, I make lemon meringue pie..because lemonade is for amateurs…& because I’m gay..& we always take it up a notch.

@thedailymarker

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt.

@thedailymarker

When you open your heart to someone, there is blood. Lots and lots of blood. And then you die. So don’t open your heart.