Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of thejamietighe's best tweets

@thejamietighe : Should I buy a pizza? Heads I do, tales I ignore the coin.

@thejamietighe: Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE?

Neighbour: Get out of my house!

Me: You're not even guessing.

@thejamietighe: ?When the moon hits your eye?

You'll be killed.

It's massive.

@thejamietighe: *cop pulls me over*

Cop:Had a bit to drink tonight?

Me:What makes you think I've been drinking?

*cop leans over and turns off lawnmower*

@thejamietighe: Coworker: What book you reading there?

Me: 'How To Kidnap A Coworker'

CW:...

Me: Not you, Karen. A pretty one.

@thejamietighe: Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.

@thejamietighe: *rides in on giant turtle*

Me:Sorry I'm late.

Boss:You rode that to work?

Me:No, went to the zoo.

*phone rings*

Me:That'll be the zoo.

@thejamietighe: Stop earbuds from tangling by putting them on then carefully stapling them to your body.

Who's ready for music?

Not you.

You have tetanus

@thejamietighe: In a car crash a dog would rescue you.

However a cat would pour liquor over your face and testify against you in court.

@thejamietighe: *turns off life support*

*waits*

*turns it back on*

Me: How's she now?

Him: Are you sure you're a doctor?

Me: Doct... No, I'm from IT.