@thenatewolf

*Holds an old lady’s hand as I help her across the street*

Don’t bother struggling. You’re my grandma now.

@thenatewolf

Me: I wonder how a bill becomes a law?

*music plays and the shit on my desk starts singing*

Me: no stop I already looked it up on my phone

@thenatewolf

Sorry, Babe, it’s over.

*I get on my motorcycle but I can’t get it to start so I use my feet to scoot away*

@thenatewolf

*Doctor finishes the exam*

“I have bad news. If you box again it will kill you”

“I’m so mad I could pun-”

*Doctor looks over his glasses*

@thenatewolf

My love is like the sea, the deeper it gets the weirder it gets.

@thenatewolf

*You at a concert* Dancing, singing, feeling the beat, letting loose.

*Me at a concert* Waiting for the bass player to make eye contact and then giving a thumbs up so they know they’re doing a good job and someone cares.

@thenatewolf

ME: Being a scientist is just asking questions. So, in a way, we’re all scientists.

ACTUAL SCIENTIST: No. Becoming a scientist requires years of-

ME: Looking up at the stars in wonderment. I hear you, respected peer.

@thenatewolf

I saw a woman with the same haircut as me the other day and I wanted to be like “Same haircut!” but I didn’t because no matter what kind of day she’s having she doesn’t need that right now.

@thenatewolf

ME IN PUBLIC: I don’t believe in ghosts.

ME WHEN I’M ALONE AND HEAR ANY CREAK IN THE HOUSE: Pappy?

@thenatewolf

*She gazes lovingly into my eyes*

HER: What are you thinking about?

ME: [remembering my contractual obligations] How Lexus continues to redefine luxury year after year.