@thenatewolf: *You at a concert* Dancing, singing, feeling the beat, letting loose.
*Me at a concert* Waiting for the bass player to make eye contact and then giving a thumbs up so they know they’re doing a good job and someone cares.
@thenatewolf: ME: Being a scientist is just asking questions. So, in a way, we’re all scientists.
ACTUAL SCIENTIST: No. Becoming a scientist requires years of-
ME: Looking up at the stars in wonderment. I hear you, respected peer.
@thenatewolf: I saw a woman with the same haircut as me the other day and I wanted to be like “Same haircut!” but I didn’t because no matter what kind of day she’s having she doesn’t need that right now.
@thenatewolf: ME IN PUBLIC: I don’t believe in ghosts.
ME WHEN I’M ALONE AND HEAR ANY CREAK IN THE HOUSE: Pappy?
@thenatewolf: *She gazes lovingly into my eyes*
HER: What are you thinking about?
ME: [remembering my contractual obligations] How Lexus continues to redefine luxury year after year.
@thenatewolf: *Trying to come up with the most romantic thing I could possibly say*
You’re like if my friend Brent was a girl.
@thenatewolf: BATMAN: All this crime... it’s really starting to get to me. Maybe I should take a break.
COMMISSIONER GORDON: [Thinking about how much work he had to do before Batman] That’s exactly what The Joker wants.
@thenatewolf: EVOLUTION: Behold, the cat, the perfect combination of stealth, power, and aggression. After millions of years, I have finally created the greatest hunter of them all.
*I place a very small bell on the cat’s collar*
EVOLUTION: No! Stop! You’re ruining it!!!
@thenatewolf: Horror movies in the 50’s were just mysteries with extra cobwebs and two well-timed lightning cracks.
Horror movies now are like: “Your addiction to technology woke up the devil and he’s spent the last thousand years thinking up some weirdly elaborate sexual torture techniques”