Options For My Knees Being Shaved:
1. Perfectly shaved smooth with at least one serious cut per knee.
2. No cuts but patches of hair left.
Walked into my home office to participate as an attorney in a Zoom hearing, and my cat was on the desk staring at the prosecutor on the Zoom screen.
THAT’S WHY YOU JOIN WITHOUT VIDEO, PEOPLE.
Your Honor, could we take a recess in this Zoom hearing? I need to break up a cat fight.
WELL, WHO TOLD YOU TO GO IN THE BATHROOM?
~ Me, yelling from bed at the cat crying to get out of the bathroom
You can’t build a roaring fire out of fish sticks. Well, you can, but you shouldn’t.
Cats be like “I know a spot” and proceed to take a nap on the important papers you are working on to meet a deadline.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the strength to shave my legs.
I LOVE reading the wrongly worded versions of common sayings people post on the internet. I just saw a guy comment, “Don’t look a gifted horse in the mouth.” In what way is the horse gifted? With an extra shiny coat? With impressive speed? As a piano virtuoso?
My lockdown lifestyle is like that of the wife of an as-yet-undiscovered serial killer in the 70’s.
– home alone daily in a housedress / nightgown
– making ice in trays
– doing housework
– going through old boxes wondering where did all this weird women’s jewelry come from
“Are you ever going to boil?”, I scream at the pot of water that is sitting on a burner which I didn’t turn on.