Got out of the shower this morning and went to put my Fitbit back on, the screen said “looking good.” Was more than a bit unsettling since I was naked. 😳👀
I’m at my most walk of shame when I’m wearing sweatpants heading back to the buffet for the third time.
I’ve banged my pinky toe so many times in the past week it has an appointment at the clinic tomorrow for a STD test.
I’d love for someone to play with my hair & tell me I’m pretty but his hand would get tangled in my hair and things would get weird… Fast.
Who’s soul do I have to sell in order for my eyeliner to come out even on both eyes?
I just found a marshmallow Santa in my desk drawer, I’m guessing I shouldn’t eat it.
*wipes chocolate from mouth
“You’re going to have to open your mouth wider than that”
I’m at the dentist you pervs!
All you guys crying about stepping on Legos, have you ever stepped on a Barbie shoe? Heel pointing up????
“Mom, I promise I won’t interrupt your nap.” “Thanks honey, could I finish peeing by myself?”
I hate when I skip lunch and come home and inhale my kitchen