@thequeensheart

Got out of the shower this morning and went to put my Fitbit back on, the screen said “looking good.” Was more than a bit unsettling since I was naked. 😳👀

@thequeensheart

I’m at my most walk of shame when I’m wearing sweatpants heading back to the buffet for the third time.

@thequeensheart

I’ve banged my pinky toe so many times in the past week it has an appointment at the clinic tomorrow for a STD test.

@thequeensheart

I’d love for someone to play with my hair & tell me I’m pretty but his hand would get tangled in my hair and things would get weird… Fast.

@thequeensheart

Who’s soul do I have to sell in order for my eyeliner to come out even on both eyes?

@thequeensheart

I just found a marshmallow Santa in my desk drawer, I’m guessing I shouldn’t eat it.

*wipes chocolate from mouth

@thequeensheart

“You’re going to have to open your mouth wider than that”

I’m at the dentist you pervs!

@thequeensheart

All you guys crying about stepping on Legos, have you ever stepped on a Barbie shoe? Heel pointing up????

@thequeensheart

“Mom, I promise I won’t interrupt your nap.” “Thanks honey, could I finish peeing by myself?”