Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@thequeensheart : I’ve banged my pinky toe so many times in the past week it has an appointment at the clinic tomorrow for a STD test.
@thequeensheart: I'd love for someone to play with my hair & tell me I'm pretty but his hand would get tangled in my hair and things would get weird... Fast.
@thequeensheart: Who’s soul do I have to sell in order for my eyeliner to come out even on both eyes?
@thequeensheart: I just found a marshmallow Santa in my desk drawer, I'm guessing I shouldn't eat it.
*wipes chocolate from mouth
@thequeensheart: "You're going to have to open your mouth wider than that"
I'm at the dentist you pervs!
@thequeensheart: All you guys crying about stepping on Legos, have you ever stepped on a Barbie shoe? Heel pointing up????
@thequeensheart: "Mom, I promise I won't interrupt your nap." "Thanks honey, could I finish peeing by myself?"
@thequeensheart: I hate when I skip lunch and come home and inhale my kitchen