@therepoguy

Me: I love you..Marry Me!

Burrito: I’m a Burrito..stop drinking.

@therepoguy

My dog really needs to learn how to drive a stick
because what good is fetching one bottle of vodka.

@therepoguy

If your wife says “take out the trash” do not reply with “you cooked it you take it out.”

@therepoguy

“Honey, can you bring me a
roll of toilet paper?”

Toilet paper- “I have a boyfriend”

@therepoguy

People who are complaining of shoveling driveways, haven’t you heard of moving?

@therepoguy

“Here taste this ” followed by a 32 minute speech on all the ingredients.

@therepoguy

Moves shopping cart to allow car to park

Lady doesn’t even say thanks

Puts cart back behind her car

Leaves.

@therepoguy

I’m sorry this birthday cake suffered a severe accident where my hand fell into it and a chunk of it filled my mouth.

@therepoguy

Pretty sure my refrigerator is having sex with itself from all the noises its making.