Me: I love you..Marry Me!
Burrito: I’m a Burrito..stop drinking.
My dog really needs to learn how to drive a stick
because what good is fetching one bottle of vodka.
A picture so sexy my computer just covered my eyes.
If your wife says “take out the trash” do not reply with “you cooked it you take it out.”
“Honey, can you bring me a
roll of toilet paper?”
Toilet paper- “I have a boyfriend”
People who are complaining of shoveling driveways, haven’t you heard of moving?
“Here taste this ” followed by a 32 minute speech on all the ingredients.
Moves shopping cart to allow car to park
Lady doesn’t even say thanks
Puts cart back behind her car
I’m sorry this birthday cake suffered a severe accident where my hand fell into it and a chunk of it filled my mouth.
Pretty sure my refrigerator is having sex with itself from all the noises its making.