Oh, lovely. You’re doing your jogging in the street. Where cars drive.
– Password must be stronger –
Goddammit, the only meat we’ve had in months has spoiled
Goddammit, there’s a seed in this watermelon
I do this thing where I reply “Maybe” to calendar invites I receive from my wife for date nights she’s planned.
I sleep on the couch a lot.
I Don’t Know, In The House Somewhere
-A family autobiography
WHERE IS THE CHRISTMAS TREE EMOJI THIS IS A GODDAMN WAR ON CHRISTMAS IVE HAD ENOUGH OF TH– oh there it is
*opens bathroom door so everyone can hear me washing my hands*
I Really Didn’t Think I’d Need A Cart
~ A Costco Story ~
A young cephalopod breaks from the school.
Swimming mightily, he strives to avoid becoming calamari.
He has [looks at camera] squid goals.
*walks into adult superstore*
Yes, one adult please.