Therapist: How do you deal with the negative people?
Me: Put their name on my kill list.
Therapist: Please don’t do that.
Me: I’ll try to stop.
*Writes Therapists name on kill list*
I used to think sex in those apocalyptic movies was so dumb cuz who would want sex when everything’s going to shit? I do, I want sex.. I changed my mind.
Kid: What will I look like when I’m old?