How funny would it be if NASA discovered a sign on Mars that read, “Congratulations humans, level 1 completed!”
Ironing boards are just surf boards that stopped pursuing their dreams and got a real job instead.
Teachers: You can’t write an essay in a night. Exam: Write an essay in two hours.
How do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have 6-pack abs? They can’t do sit-ups.
The biggest joke of Spongebob is that he can work in a fast food restaurant and still afford to buy a house.
I wonder how many medieval chefs were executed because the king’s food taster had food allergies
A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
If a vampire gets AIDS from one of its victims, is it considered an STD or food poisoning?
I have never seen a construction crane being put in place. They just show up.
With a dog, you have a glimpse into parenting. With a cat, you have a glimpse into marriage.
Someday future archaeologists are going to dig up Disney World and think it was some bizarre mouse-worshiping kingdom.
What if dogs are way smarter than we think and they just play dumb so they don’t have to work and pay taxes.
One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Android people are going to be like, “Samsung has had this feature for years”.
If you attempt to rob a bank you won’t have any trouble with rent/food bills for the next 10 years whether you are successful or not.
The headline “WORLD’S OLDEST PERSON DIES” could also be “WORLD HAS NEW OLDEST PERSON”.