This reminds me of the time I fired my mother when she was investigating the case of “who ate all the cookies?”
If there is one thing the Internet has taught us it is that even the dumbest people on Earth have somehow learned how to use the Internet
Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven because they wouldn’t let you in because you’re terrible?
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
Don’t be sad when your exes unfollow you. It just means they’ll spend more time manually checking your updates
Wake up your lover by hysterically screaming “Are you sleeping?!?!”
Should I buy a new pair of sunglasses or just leave $60 in a restaurant?
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
Instagram is down! I’m freaking out! What are you people eating? How are your pets? What the hell is happening???