Cashier: “Yes I know it’s only $1 but it’s not coming up in the system so I need to do a price check, call the manager & hold a shareholders meeting.”


H: “What do you want for Valentine’s Day?”

“A puppy.”

“Pick something else.”

“A different puppy.”


[The mid 20s catch up]

“What are you drinking, who you seeing?”

[The midlife catchup]

“Who’s your therapist, what are you taking for it?”


Hearing deteriorates as we get older. So why with every new year does the sound of someone eating become louder & more annoying?


[At the job interview]

“Why did you leave your last job?”

“They took a vote.”


Twitter – to help future generations discover if there’s ever been any mental illness in the family.


People with FB statuses like, “I’m so angry right now”, then when someone says, “What’s up?” they reply, “I’ll text you.” WHAT ABOUT US?