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Page of timdonakowski's best tweets

@timdonakowski : Don’t assume Wal-Mart sells walls. Unless you want an argument about existential reality with an 85-year-old greeter.

@timdonakowski: Don't eat yellow snow. Red snow, on the other hand, is debatable. Could be horrible, could be cherry.

@timdonakowski: Why would anyone become an architect when everything you do gets destroyed in an X-Men movie?

@timdonakowski: Damn girl, are you an old ATM touchscreen? 'Cause I'm pushing ALL the wrong buttons.

@timdonakowski: Okay, wait a second. I pee, I do my belt, THEN I wash my hands. I don't know about you but I've never, ever washed my belt.

@timdonakowski: My 61-year-old stepmom loves your product, Mark Zuckerberg.

@timdonakowski: I love how science fiction movies skip right to the fiction part.

@timdonakowski: Do you sell bloodpants?

"Nope"

Shitpants?

"Nope"

Droolpants?

"Nope"

Sweatpants?

"Right this way..."

@timdonakowski: "These fries are too crispy" - inventor of the microwave

@timdonakowski: Thousands of married racists are waking up this morning and questioning the skin color of their spouse.