Keeping tic-tacs in your pocket lets people know you’re more embarrassed of your breath than you are of sounding like a human maraca
I’m not afraid to die, I’m afraid my friends will give me the funeral I told them I wanted when I was drunk.
What idiot named it a mugshot instead of a cellfie?
The person that was in charge of naming Ohio must have thought of it when they realized someone was waving at the person behind them.
If you’re wearing khaki above the waist I’m going to assume you know everything about every animal.