@trojansauce

[rap battle]

*drops the mic*

*scrambles around trying to pick up the mic*

[20min earlier]

*other guy covering my mic in butter*

@trojansauce

[interview]

“what’s you’re biggest weakness?”

*whispers*

“sorry i couldn-”

I CANT CONTROL MY VOLUME

@trojansauce

[dogs around campfire]

*flashlight on face* and when I came back without the ball it was in his hand the whole time

@trojansauce

[me on my death bed after being trampled at a one direction concert]

please tell people it was auto erotic asphyxiation

@trojansauce

origin stories:

spiderman: bitten by spider
green hornet: bitten by green hornet
gambit: bitten by a gam
magneto: bitten by magnetic toe

@trojansauce

[dinner party]
mario: what’s in this risotto?
me: mushroom, you’re not allergic?
mario: *grows to like 20 feet*

@trojansauce

[fleeing the bank we just robbed]
accomplice: play it cool this time, okay?
me: GOD I HATE CRIME YOU GUYS
police officer: alright he’s clear