WIFE:Did you get the spaghetti?
ME:Look at this crazy, wild spaghetti I found outside! *hands just full of snakes*
WIFE:The pinata is in the tree out back
ME:Huh? I sent the kids to the one in front
W:What one in front?
*angry bees are just everywhere*
ME: *staring into my lover’s eyes in the midst of a warm embrace*
HER: What are you thinking?
ME: *caressing her cheek* I forgot your name.
ME:John’s coming over for dinner.
WIFE:Work John or Been to Europe John?
JOHN:*from outside* This door reminds me of one I saw in England.
PERSONAL TRAINER: How’s your nutrition?
ME: *dipping my burrito into custard* Not going to lie. It’s been worse.
(Disney Dating Tips)
3.Awkward music-filled dates
4.Angry mob danger
-Beauty & the Beast
ME: *pleased* Honey, I folded the dishes.
W: The laundry.
M: No the dish…
M: We need new dishes.
NORTH CAROLINA:We believe in family values.
ME:Like Disney movies?
ME:Like Mulan, where a cross dresser saves China?
FIRST PERSON TO USE AN IRON: This battle hammer does wonders for my enemies’ shirts!
-Bear Sharks with Ebola
-Sharks with Lazers
-Man carrying a clipboard on the sidewalks