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Page of tsm560's best tweets

@tsm560 : Her: I’m putting you in the dead zone

Me: Lol you mean the friend zone

Her: No

@tsm560: I’m not gonna apologize for being me. I tried that once and no one would accept it

@tsm560: They say intelligent people are rarely happy I guess that’s why you’re always smiling

@tsm560: The author of How to Murder Your husband was just arrested for murdering her husband. I can’t be the only one who saw this coming.

@tsm560: She’s one of a kind. Like an instagram sunset

@tsm560: Just for kicks whenever I run into an old friend I haven’t seen in a while I greet them with “holy shit I thought you died.”

@tsm560: Real doesn’t scare me, real stupid does

@tsm560: Women denied dating me long before Moby made it cool

@tsm560: I once booked a cruise just so I could walk around for 7 days saying “Looks like we’re all in the same boat” to everyone else on board.

@tsm560: I don’t argue with idiots on the internet. If you’re not within punching distance I’m not interested