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@tsm560 : That moment of sheer panic when you're wrist deep in the Pringles can, and you begin rehearsing your story for the ER attendant.
@tsm560: Me: Is it open casket?
Friend: It’s a wedding!
Me: Oh god nobody wants to see that
@tsm560: Just got blocked by a longtime friend here and I’m trying to get over it
I’m over it
@tsm560: Her: I’m putting you in the dead zone
Me: Lol you mean the friend zone
@tsm560: I’m not gonna apologize for being me. I tried that once and no one would accept it
@tsm560: They say intelligent people are rarely happy I guess that’s why you’re always smiling
@tsm560: The author of How to Murder Your husband was just arrested for murdering her husband. I can’t be the only one who saw this coming.
@tsm560: She’s one of a kind. Like an instagram sunset
@tsm560: Just for kicks whenever I run into an old friend I haven’t seen in a while I greet them with “holy shit I thought you died.”
@tsm560: Real doesn’t scare me, real stupid does