Twitter: Sorry. Something went wrong
Me: you’re goddamn right it did
The only thing that distinguishes us from dogs is their ability to learn from their mistakes
Me: are you feeling this sexual tension between us?
Her: that’s just tension
Her: don’t insult me like that
Me: I’m sorry, how would you prefer I insult you?
I think it’s hilarious when someone takes a break from here and people immediately ask if they’re okay. As if being off twitter isn’t the very definition of being okay
Those 3 am conversations that start and end with “How many times can one person pee during the night?”
I know I should tweet more and share my gifts with the world but the world is too stupid so I don’t
I feel like I was never properly integrated into society. This is not a complaint.
My GameStop stock is looking pretty good. Think I’ll buy France
*toilet papers neighbor’s house*
Neighbor: Weird flex, bro