@tsm560: All of my friends are in love and I’m still on my own but I’m not gonna feel bad for them.
@tsm560: My dance floor moves are exactly like what happens when a child wanders into the middle of a parade.
@tsm560: Her: [slow winks] The only place I take orders is right here... in the bedroom.
Me: I’d really love a BLT.
@tsm560: I just might be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Providing everything that’s happened to you thus far has been really really bad.
@tsm560: I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that*
*Me, after not listening to a word you just said.
@tsm560: In Florida we have the good sense to have our catastrophic weather events in the summer, when it’s nice out.