Just had a customer giving me his email and he said “E as in X-ray” 😭
Them: you shouldn’t be tweeting about sex cuz you’re a mom
Mfer how do you think I became a mom?
Why are so many people replying to my tweets with questions?
It’s a tweet, don’t worry there’s no pop quiz at the end.
Sent my adult sons to the grocery store for toilet paper…they came back with potato chips, cookies, cheese dip, hot sauce, roasted chicken
And no toilet paper.
You mean orgasms aren’t those Japanese paper artsy things?
I don’t post nudes cuz I don’t want to be responsible for y’alls heart failure.
My kids seem to remember everything they ever wanted to tell me whenever I’m in the bathroom with the door shut.
We all have that one friend who thinks they can sing…and if you can’t think of who, that friend is you.
When a cop pulls you over, pull out a map and ask them for directions until they forget that they pulled you over.
-me, right now
Someone on my FB posted a snap that said “I’m boared”
And I’m just like…….