Sent my adult sons to the grocery store for toilet paper…they came back with potato chips, cookies, cheese dip, hot sauce, roasted chicken
And no toilet paper.
You mean orgasms aren’t those Japanese paper artsy things?
I don’t post nudes cuz I don’t want to be responsible for y’alls heart failure.
My kids seem to remember everything they ever wanted to tell me whenever I’m in the bathroom with the door shut.
We all have that one friend who thinks they can sing…and if you can’t think of who, that friend is you.
When a cop pulls you over, pull out a map and ask them for directions until they forget that they pulled you over.
-me, right now
Someone on my FB posted a snap that said “I’m boared”
And I’m just like…….
Me: I don’t know how to dance to this kind of music
Beer: yes you do
I won’t slam on my brakes if someone’s tailgating me…I will, however, take my foot off the accelerator and slowly come to a stop.
8yo: mommy how old are you?
8yo: *blink blink* so you seen a real dinosaur?