Funny Tweeter

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Page of uncle_fescue's best tweets

@uncle_fescue : I just saw my ex get hit by a snow plow but in all fairness I have never driven one of these before.

@uncle_fescue: Seriously how much of Krypton fell to earth and how do bad guys keep finding it? You're Superman, handle your shit. This ain't a game, dawg.

@uncle_fescue: Judge: jury, how do you find the defendant?
Me: [whispering] dude, he's like…right there.
Judge: there's no talking
Me: [pointing]

@uncle_fescue: Interviewer: so your last job you worked in IT?

Me: no, it says "worked it"

I: worked what?

[disco ball drops]

[rips off pants]
Me: "it"

@uncle_fescue: Buddy: her boyfriend was killed?

Me: Yeah, she said he was hung like a horse but I'm like, who even kills horses like that?

@uncle_fescue: Buddy: her boyfriend was killed?

Me: Yeah, she said he was hung like a horse but I'm like, who even kills horses like that?