“Are you listening?”
“Yes.”
“Are you REALLY listening?”
“I really am.”
“But I mean, are you-”
“I’m not gonna say it, Dave.”
Of all of the profound disappointments that I have faced in my life, be they personal or professional, none is more firmly fixed in my mind, nor more likely to have caused my deeply-rooted trust issues, than the discovery at age four that Play-Doh doesn’t taste the way it smells.
“Hey, are you gonna eat this?”
Do you want contact-free delivery?
□ Yes
▣ No
“HEY NANCY, HAVE YOU SEEN MY SOCKS?”
garage sales are a great place to find extra stuff for you to throw away when you move
“Mom, the kid in the other car is making faces at me.”
“Just ignore him, sweetie.”
“Listen, you’ll get your money, I just need a little more time.”
me hitting on a model
oh no, steve’s working tonight
When someone tells me to “smile naturally”.
found my next D&D character name
WIFE: My favorite jeans are too tight now.
ME: That sucks.
WIFE: You must have shrunk them in the wash.
ME: But, they weren’t even in the laun-
WIFE: …
ME: You’re right, I’m sorry.
M: that’s
O: not
R: how
O: acronyms
N: work
I think I stand a pretty good chance this year. I hear the Simpson kid is down two more toes.
