My parents are always pestering me to have kids. “Who will carry on the ancient family curse?” they say.
Not usually a big fan of God, but I have admit telling Cruz to run for president then making him lose to a reality TV clown was an A+ prank.
A reality show where gay marriage opponents have to live under 100% Biblical laws for six months so they can show us how awesome it is.
35% of all hospital deaths are caused by the attending physician failing to yell “Don’t you die on me!” at the right moment.
What’s going on under there? Nobody has to know but you. – Poncho salesman
I deliberately mispronounce ‘quinoa’ and then adjust the server’s tip according to how condescending they are when they correct me.