*Scrooge McDuck being put in handcuffs*
SM: Unhand me! What is the meaning of all this?!
Cop: Sir, you own half of Wall St. and are a duck
Scar: Long live the king!
*lets Mufasa fall*
Mufasa: *while falling* Simba, this is totally your fault for being the woooooorst–
REAL LIFE JUNGLE BOOK
Chapter 1, Page 1:
So Mowgli gets straight up eaten, like, right the heck away.
[someone attempts to speak to me]
ME: *to self, but at a completely audible volume* okay, remember your training
FRIEND: it’s a strange time to be alive
ME: *looks at watch*
ah yes, 6:30
gf: pls babe he has a gun, this isn’t the time to mess around, just call the cops
me: no. *pulls out deck of yu-gi-oh cards* i have to trust the heart of the cards
robber: you should’ve listened to your little girlfriend, kid
*pulls a deck out of his gun*
ME: *walks in holding up a wanted poster* hi can you make me look like uhhh not this
[sound of sirens outside getting louder]
WAITER: so did you enjoy your meal this evening?
GF: I DID, until some IDIOT ruined it with his food puns
ME: I cannoli assume she means you
[first date with a therapist]
ME: so, tell me about myself
sir! you can’t leave with that!
ME: *running w/ a pen w/ a chain still attached*
I BROUGHT IT WITH ME FROM HOME!