Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of warmyellowlight's best tweets

@warmyellowlight : former classmate: i am happily married with four kids, a house, two cars, an rv & a boat.
me: i am a llama. i live in an enchanted forest with a squirrel wizard. we eat magical berries & those berries give us powers which we shall use to find & slay the evil dragon king.

@warmyellowlight: when i die please avenge my death regardless of the circumstances

@warmyellowlight: some days I'm all [sound of a fluffy cloud violently smashing into a mountain] other days I'm [sound of crocodiles gently eating a mitten]

@warmyellowlight: i don't see why i have to clean the shower. imo it is the shower's job to clean me

@warmyellowlight: me: *buys condoms, tampons, lice shampoo, adult diapers, yeast infection cream, an enema and a pregnancy test*
cashier: would u like a bag