@weinerdog4life
How to numbers:
1: good job!
2: you’re doing it!
7: uhoh
#: that’s not even a number
🐴: wtf?
B: what are you doing?
@weinerdog4life
@weinerdog4life
You can usually tell which duck is the cop because he has a mustache and a gun.
@weinerdog4life
When there were bear prints in the sand that was bear jesus chasing you
@weinerdog4life
A romantic thing you can do for your wife is try to get a raccoon to come in your house
@weinerdog4life
I always yell “FORE” when I’m throwing golf clubs out of my car at joggers.
@weinerdog4life
Things to know before you date me:
1. I party
2. The doctor forgot to cut my umbilical cord so my mom has to come
@weinerdog4life
The elites don’t want you to know this but the ducks at the park are free you can take them home I have 458 ducks
@weinerdog4life
me, to shovel salesman: [at a shovel store] how’s this do with like dirt & stuff?
shovel salesman: i’m not gonna bullshit you it’s pretty good
@weinerdog4life
Fell down on the treadmill, got pudding everywhere.
@weinerdog4life
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that’s just science