@williamwanton

Couples that stay fit together don’t trust each other enough to go to the gym alone

@williamwanton

I love you Mario but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of

@williamwanton

I blame 2 of my 3 DUIs on Jesus because I specifically told him to take the wheel

@williamwanton

Therapist: Alright, let’s start at the beginning

Me: *Sighs* I guess it all really started when I wasn’t born a centaur