@wolfmannjr

If life was a fairytale I’d be the big bad wolf looking for his Red Riding Hood but stuck eating your granny instead

@wolfmannjr

You want me to be your daddy? Then close the damn door, we’re not heating the outside!

@wolfmannjr

God: the quarterly meeting of 2020 will come to order
Satan: under new business please add timing to release 4th horseman of the apocalypse
G: this is the last time I bet with you on the winner of Dancing with the Stars
S: LOL
G: LOL

@wolfmannjr

Finding love on twitter is like pulling a diamond ring out of a septic tank but nothing is impossible

@wolfmannjr

Learn what car your boss drives so you don’t give her the finger in the parking garage. I know that now

@wolfmannjr

So glad that Halloween isn’t on Friday the 13th this year because that would be so 2020 am I right?

@wolfmannjr

The real heroes are my neighbours in a 5km radius during my quarantine bagpipe practice

@wolfmannjr

Some of you should walk a mile in my shoes because then you would be a mile away from me and that would be fantastic. Keep the shoes

@wolfmannjr

“I made a meal out of Rosemary tonight. Smell my fingers”
*Dating a girl named after a spice is awkward