@wolfmannjr

I don’t know if hand sanitizer actually works but it sure as hell lets you know where the broken skin is hiding

@wolfmannjr

Calling bullshit on news that the Amazon is burning. I just got a package delivered from them today

@wolfmannjr

*after 12 tequila shots*
Left eye – It’s PARTY TIME!!
Right eye – I’m beat, I’m going to lie down in the corner

@wolfmannjr

Parents yelling “I’m not going to ask you again” at their kids, will definitely be asking them again